spaggel | A list of things

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A list of things

That I am willing to trade my SOUL for to get.

1. Rodney as a mobster with John as his Mole. Ronon his right hand man and Zelenka as the man that 'breaks' people. Ford as John's amusement to go fly and blow-up things with.

2. The Adventures of Rodneysaur. To quote myself: "Rodney is turned into a tiny stuffed dinosaur and is all "FEAR ME *RAWR*" but they either ignore him, because they cannot see him as he is a foot tall, or hold him and cuddle him and poke his little belly.

And john takes him to bed with him, to eat the monsters under the bed"

Bonus points if Rodneysaur is eating animal crackers and gets pokes in the belly and john rubs it better

3. Cupcake Land

4. The one were john messes up and Rodney programs all the puddle jumpers to *sigh* and *whine* when John gets in. Rodney breaks his SOUL.

5. John and Rodney drunk and start doing stupid drunk things and then Rodney is all, "Yeah, well, you may be the BIGGEST SLUT EVER and have chicks all over you. but my dick is SO MUCH BIGGER and I bet I'm better at it too." And John is all, "whatever *talk to the hand*" and Rodney is all, "no no no, really. See?" And Rodney shows him and John is has to show his, and is all, "Yeah, well, it's not hard so this means NOTHING." and then Rodney gives him a hand job and makes john touch his dick too. And Rodney is still bigger and John is all, "uh, yeah, but, I'M SO MUCH BETTER THEN YOU WITH IT." And then Rodney proves him wrong.

And fer reals. I will trade whatever it takes to get this. WHATEVER. *puts body up for sale*

EDIT: I am SERIOUSLY SERIOUS about #2. Or really, any of them. I WILL DRAW YOU THINGS. I can make little icons or become your slave or WHATEVER. Seriously, serious here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

John managed to get his ruined paperwork redone and locked in a drawer while Rodney slept, but as soon as he tried to get a head start on the shift rotations for the next week, Rodney woke up. It quickly became obvious that Rodney was bored.

"Yes, okay, I get it. You're king of the desk. Now cut it out!" John said, as Rodney stomped across the desk making 'rarr' noises and biting pencils in half. "If I take you for a walk will you behave yourself?"

"Rarr!" Rodney said, which didn't reassure John, but spending the evening trapped in a room with a small bored dinosaur was probably not going to be much fun.

"How about we go down to the dock level and try out that seawater pool?"

"Rarr!" Rodney jumped off the desk and made impatient noises as John grabbed his jacket and a towel.

The pool was a great idea. Rodney made a joyful squeaky noise and plunged right in. He had a fair bit of speed too, considering how round he still was from lunch. He was zipping around in circles with only his head and the line of his back visible above the water. John found a sunny patch with a clear view of the pool, and sat down on the towel. It was nice to take a break and just sit in the sun for a change. He leaned back and watched the clouds for a while, until he felt sharp little teeth tugging on his sock.

"What? You bored again?" John sighed.

Rodney ran back to the pool and plopped into the water. Then he stuck his head up. "Rarr!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm watching you, you're doing great."

Rodney sighed, and climbed back out of the pool. "Rarr!" Then he grabbed the cuff of John's shirt and tugged John toward the pool.

"Uh, I didn't bring my swimming costume. And I'm not going to get caught skinny dipping with the head of the science department, even if he is a dinosaur."

Rodney stamped his foot and bit John's left shoelace off.

"Hey! Fine, I'll put my feet in the water, but I'm not stripping off." John took his socks and boots off. Then, as an afterthought, stuffed his socks as deeply into his boot as he could get them, just in case Rodney felt they needed killed again. The water in the pool was a little cold, but not cold enough to make sitting on the edge of the pool splashing Rodney a chore.

They made a game out of it. Whenever Rodney was on the surface, he was fair game for John to splash, and when Rodney was under the water, John's toes were a viable target. John hoped that none of the Marines showed up and caught him giggling like a twelve year old girl because he was getting his toes nipped.

Eventually Rodney got tired. He crawled out of the pool and flopped wetly over John's legs. He made a tired little 'rarr' and snuffled hopefully at John's pockets. John sighed and pulled out the bag of beef jerky he'd appropriated on his way out of the mess.

"If you get zapped back with indigestion, it'll be your own fault."

They managed to get back to John's quarters eventually. It seemed like everyone on the base wanted to pet Rodney or poke his little tummy. John fought himself free of the gaggle of nurses who'd ambushed him as he walked past the infirmary, jumped into the transporter to the living quarters, and stared down at Rodney, who stared back, a little wild-eyed.

"If only you had that sort of appeal when you're human, I could use you as babe-bait."

Rodney's eyes went narrow. "Rarr!"

John laughed. "Yeah yeah, you're a stud, Rodney. OW!" John pulled his thumb out of Rodney's mouth.

"Rarr!" Rodney said, looking smug, and then yawned.

John dropped Rodney on his bed, filled the bathtub with water, made up some more milk, and left a tub of leftover meatballs open on the floor. Then he grabbed a pillow and some old sweats and made a nest for Rodney to sleep in.

John woke up a few times during the night. The first time Rodney was splashing in the bath, the second time he was attacking something under the bed, the third time he was making odd little grunting noises in the shower, and the last time was when Rodney flopped down on John's chest for another nap. John didn't much like the meatball-breath, but he wasn't sure how successful trying to get Rodney into his own bed would be.

John was late to breakfast, thanks to a combination of oversleeping and cleaning up the mess Rodney had made during the night. He plopped Rodney down on a table to do battle with a plate of overdone bacon, and got the biggest strongest mug of coffee he could find.

Rodney eyed the coffee, and John growled. "Mine!" There was no way John was letting go of it.

"You must bring him to the lab this morning," Zelenka said, appearing at John's elbow. "I have to run calibrations and simulations."

"How long do you think it'll take?"

"Couple of hours, maybe. Not long. It is not difficult, just time-consuming." Zelenka stole a piece of bacon off Rodney's plate and deftly avoided Rodney's snapping teeth. "Ah, little Rodney. The next time you make height jokes I can remind you that you were once small enough for me to push you around and steal your food." Grinning at Rodney's outraged growling, Zelenka walked off eating his stolen bacon.

"You're going to make him pay for that once you're yourself again, aren't you?"

"Rarr!"

I love this SO MUCH.

Rarr!!

Rarr! And only one more part to come.

Rodney didn't like the lab. Actually, John was pretty sure Rodney hated the lab. He hissed and rarred and made noises John was sure were really filthy dinosaur swear words. He bit Simpson, who was still red-eyed and sniffly. He knocked over something that made an expensive sort of crunch when it hit floor. And he absolutely, positively did not want to go under the scanner Zelenka had set up. John tried beef jerky, Pringles, chocolate and a cupcake with violent yellow icing, but Rodney just grabbed what he could and took off to eat it under a workbench or on top of a cupboard.

"He is worse than a cat," Zelenka said. I think we will have to tranquilise him."

John argued against it, but after an hour chasing Rodney through the lab he had to admit defeat. John enlisted the help of Teyla, Lorne and half a dozen Marines, but he always managed to escape as soon as they tried to get him into the scanner.

"Colonel, I do not think we are going to be able to do this while Rodney is conscious." Teyla didn't seem to like the idea of tranquilising Rodney either, but it looked like they had no other options. Rodney was perched above the door, eating a banana muffin he'd swiped from a passing Marine, and idly walloping anyone walking through the door with his tail.

"Rodney, this is your last chance. You can come down, or you can get shot in the ass with a stunner. It's up to you."

"Rarr!" Rodney said, sprinkling muffin crumbs down onto John's hair.

"Fine!" John stomped off to get a Wraith stunner from the armory. "But don't say I didn't warn you!"

It was a lot harder to shoot Rodney than John expected. As soon as Rodney saw the stunner he scampered up Teyla's leg and tried to hide inside her shirt. John spared a moment to be impressed that Rodney had his head between Teyla's breasts before she reached in and pulled him out by the scruff of his neck.

"Rodney, you will behave, or I will start looking up recipes for rock-lizard stew," Teyla said.

Rodney grumpily allowed himself to be deposited on the scanner, but as soon as Zelenka turned it on, he shot back out and bounced across two workstations and the espresso machine to land neatly on top of the glassware cupboard.

John sighed and raised the stunner. Rodney rarred very quietly and covered his eyes with his claws. A flash of light later and Rodney was slumped over the edge of the cupboard. John felt incredibly guilty as he cradled Rodney's tiny limp body in his arms.

"Sorry, Rodney. We had to do it. It's for your own good." John gently placed him on the scanner and nodded to Zelenka, who started scanning.

"Maybe he knew what was going on and didn't want to change back?" Lorne said.

"Why on Earth would he want to be a dinosaur?" John asked.

"All the attention, beautiful women petting him, all the cupcakes and meatballs he can eat..." Lorne raised his eyebrows.

"No coffee, no talking, no possibility of a Nobel Prize, no sex ever again..." John replied.

"Good point," Lorne said, and they settled down to wait for Zelenka to finish running his simulations.

John tried not to look at Rodney unconscious in the scanner. Zelenka ran around poking various pieces of Ancient technology, and occasionally asking John to activate something or other. Finally Zelenka was finished with Rodney and dumped him back in John's arms.

John held him close, and rubbed the fuzzy patch on top of his head. "I hope he's not too pissed at me for shooting him."

Zelenka looked up. "He will not remember. I am using the physical pattern collected by the transformation device at the time of his transformation as the base for his retransformation. He will return to us in exactly the same state as he left." Zelenka grinned at John. "Did you think I was crazy for stealing his food? It does not matter, he will not remember."

Rodney moved a little and drooled on John's shirt. "Hey there, buddy. You waking up?" John rubbed Rodney's tummy and smiled as Rodney opened one eye and made a disgruntled snort. "Ready to be human again?"

"Rarr!" Rodney said quietly.

This is just adorable. Hee! :)

"Yes, yes. It is all ready now," Zelenka said, "Please put him down and stand back."

John gave Rodneysaur one last squeeze and put him down on the floor. "I feel like I should say 'goodbye' but you're not really going anywhere, are you?"

Rodney rarred nervously and started sucking on the end of his tail.

*ZAPPP*

"And why you... what the hell?" Rodney yelled, sprawled face-down on the floor without a stitch of clothing on.

And now John had a perfect view of Rodney's naked ass. He'd never noticed how... pink Rodney was before. He jumped up and grabbed a spare lab coat and handed it to Rodney as Zelenka helped him up. "Welcome back, Rodney."

"Okay, what's going on? Where's Simpson? And why am I naked?"

Everyone started talking at once.

"You were a dinosaur..."

"There was an accident with the transformation device..."

"Wow, he really doesn't remember the meatballs..."

"Never mind the meatballs, what about Teyla's breasts..."

"EVERYONE BE QUIET NOW!" Zelenka roared. "Please, everyone leave now. I will take Rodney to sick bay and tell him what happened." He made shooing gestures at everyone. "Go!"

John patted Rodney on the head. "It's good to see you, McKay, but you totally owe me one for cleaning up what you did in my shower last night."

The End!

AIEEE! He doesn't remember a thing! *sniffle*

Aw, that was the cutest, crackiest thing ever, and it made my evening. Thank you.

Thanks :) And I'm sure there will be plenty of people lining up to tell him about it ;)

I'm wiggling with joy from reading this. Also, now I crave cupcakes and meatballs and it's all your fault.

I'm craving meatballs myself. My husband usually brings a big bag of ribs home from the supermarket on Sundays, but there were none left today :(

ajksdhkajsdhkj DID LITTLE RODNEYSAUR DO A BIG BOY THING IN THE SHOWER?

And henceforth we shall call him "rodneysaur-ass"

AND THIS WAS MOST WODNERFUL. I will indeed draw more rodneysaur-ass, BUT ALSO! You so deserve more for making this so long and so wonderful and yes, yes'es. *nods head*

Yeah, and it wasn't just your average foul carnivore poop either. There was chocolate bar wrapper and tinfoil and bits of pencil in it. Rodney really owes John for cleaning that up.

Re: And I'm back, with more!

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Re: And I'm back, with more!

Re: And I'm back, with more!